Carry On
by lone-star-woman
Summary: After returning to work after the Mary incident, Tosh learns who her friends are. There’s just a hint of Jack/Ianto. And Owen behaves like a jerk because, well, it’s Series 1 Owen.


**A/N: **There's a hint of Jack/Ianto. And Owen behaves like a jerk because, well, it's Series 1 Owen.

**Disclaimer: **Torchwood isn't mine. *sigh*

* * *

Toshiko arrived early for work, but that was the plan because entering the hub quietly was not an option. She panicked momentarily when she saw Ianto's car, but once she was inside the hub, he greeted her politely and returned to his work without any fuss like it was any other normal day.

Jack bounced out of his office, and, without any sort of a greeting, he handed her a short to-do list, "And you still have to finish that UNIT report, missy."

"Yes, of course."

He quickly turned his attention to Ianto and asked, "Hey, where's my coffee?"

Ianto rolled his eyes, "There is such a word as please. Some even call it the 'magic word'."

Jack winked at Toshiko before saying, "Please, may I have some coffee?"

"Yes, sir. And for you, Tosh?"

"I'll have one, too, please," she said.

So far, so good. Tosh sat up straight in her chair and put on her glasses so that she could get to work. After being held hostage the day before, she concluded that a little admin now and then wasn't so bad.

And, then the cog door opened. Owen scowled at her and was on the verge of a tirade, but Gwen stopped him by placing a hand on his chest and whispering a few words into his ear. During the exchange, he kept his hand on the small of her back. Gwen may have saved her from an angry rant, but after witnessing that moment of intimacy, Tosh's heart acquired a new bruise.

Owen announced loudly, "If Jack asks for me, tell him that I'm at the gun range." Then, he asked Gwen, "You coming?"

She glanced back at Tosh and smiled awkwardly. There was an obligatory moment of hesitation, but she followed Owen.

"Morning, Tosh," Gwen said as she walked away. She didn't give Tosh any time to reply.

Ianto arrived with Tosh's coffee and placed it on her desk, but she was so immersed in her work that she barely noticed him. However, when she reached for her mug, she found a small box of chocolates with hazelnuts on her desk. After Lisa died, Tosh made Ianto a cup of coffee. She guessed that the tiny offering was his way of paying her back.

When Ianto emerged from Jack's office, Tosh mouthed the words "thank you" because she was so touched by the gesture she couldn't make her mouth work properly to say the words out loud, but he understood. He bowed his head as a way of saying "you're welcome" before heading in the direction of the archives.

--

She spent the day trying to avoid eye contact with Owen and Gwen -- a task made easier that afternoon when Jack took them into a residential area to track down an alien who released a noxious gas through its pores because it was frightened. As Tosh guided them through the streets of Cardiff from her station inside the hub, the regular thrill of the chase was replaced by the anxiety of having to interact with Owen even if it was over the comms. She even lost track of the alien for a minute.

"If I were an alien, where would I be?" Owen asked sarcastically. "Too bad you can't read its thoughts, Tosh."

She closed her eyes and balled her hands into fists. She allowed herself five seconds to feel sorry for herself before she went resumed her search.

--

When the team got back with their captive, Owen told her, "If you're looking for your next shag, he's in the cell next to Janet."

"Zip it, Owen!" Jack yelled.

"I'm just saying, it's hard to find a man in this day and age," he said with a malicious sneer on his face. "If she wants to fuck every --"

"That enough!"

Standing firmly beside Jack, Ianto threatened, "If you say one more word --"

"What are you gonna do about it, tea boy?" Owen growled. "You would be on her side. I'm sure the two of you'll get together and compare notes about your freak girlfriends."

"Say one more word, Owen," Jack whispered calmly. "Just one more word."

Neither man wanted to be the first to back down so Gwen pulled Owen aside and told him, "It's time to go home."

"You've got no backbone at all, Jack," Owen said. "The pair of them should be gone for the shit they pulled."

"If you can't come in with a better attitude tomorrow, don't bother coming in at all," Jack replied.

Owen stormed out of the hub, but Gwen stayed behind to collect her things. "I'll sort him out," she said nervously. "He'll be better tomorrow. See you, Tosh. Good evening, boys."

Once Gwen was gone, Jack asked, "You okay, Toshiko?"

"I should go into the lab and work on something to neutralize the gas before our friend wakes up," she replied. She made an attempt at sounding cheerful but her voice still quivered.

--

At the end of the day, Myfanwy flew to her bowl and guzzled down its cod as Ianto watched. He had taken off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves, and loosened his tie. The stubble on his face and the bags under his eyes made him look older from fatigue. Yet, he had a glimmer of a smile on his face.

"It's my day to feed her," Tosh told him. "I'm sorry I forgot."

Ianto shook his head. "No. You shouldn't have to. Feeding her has always been my job."

"It's not so bad."

Ianto unwrapped a bar of dark chocolate and replied, "It's time I made my peace with her."

Myfanwy's head perked up and she bounced towards Ianto. After sniffing the chocolate, she warily took it from his hand and flew back into her nest with her prize. Ianto picked up the empty bowl and walked to the kitchen, and although, Tosh could have gone home by now, she decided to follow him mainly because she wasn't ready to go back to an empty flat.

As he washed the dishes, Tosh wiped off the counter. They worked in silence, but he kept glancing at her apprehensively like he was waiting for her to say something. To be fair, nobody ever offered to help him with his evening tasks; it made sense if he suspected that she might want something.

Once Ianto had rinsed out the last mug, he finally said, "I'm sorry about Owen."

"I'm sorry about Mary."

"There's no need for apologies," he replied.

"I've never been in love before," she confessed

It was something that she'd never said out loud since it seemed like admitting to being a complete failure. Tosh could feel her cheeks burn. Ianto slipped off the bright yellow gloves and turned to Tosh, giving her his full attention.

"Not even once?" he asked. Rather than pitying her like Tosh expected, he sounded genuinely surprised.

"I've certainly have had huge crushes on people," she continued. "But nobody has ever loved me back. In University, I was a social disaster. I can count on one hand the number of dates that I had back then. After that, I thought I had boyfriends, but they saw me as a convenient shag, more or less. I'd hoped that Mary was different."

"You really fell for her, didn't you?"

"It was the sugar rush that comes along with infatuation," Tosh reasoned. "I got caught up in it and…well, next thing you know, she's inside the hub ready to slit my throat open."

Tosh noticed that Ianto shuddered at the memory.

"But you're all right," he told her. "You're alive. You're here."

"Gwen told me not to give up on love, but I don't know how to hold onto that hope. Right now, I don't know if I can trust another human being… or alien."

"You are the best person I know," Ianto murmured. "It'd be a shame to give up."

"Do you think that you'll be able to move on, Ianto… after everything that happened to Lisa?"

He considered her question carefully. With his arms across his chest and a distant gaze, he said, "Sometimes, I think about…"

However, he could not finish that sentence.

"You think about what?" Tosh asked. She hoped that she didn't sound too eager which would only put him off, but at the moment, she wanted some sort of affirmation that Ianto still believed in romance. If he could move on after everything that happened, then perhaps there was hope for her.

Ianto froze in place with his mouth gaping open. "I can't say it."

She placed her hand on his arm and whispered, "Have you been thinking about someone else?"

"If I say it out loud, then that makes it real. I don't want it to be real. I can't…" he stammered. He looked ashamed which made Tosh feel slightly guilty for pressing him on the matter.

"So what do we do?" she asked.

"Carry on," he replied emphatically as he straightened his tie. "Hope that each day won't get any worse."

"Like good, little soldiers," Tosh added with a salute, hoping to make him smile.

He did. "At least we have each other."

"We do. If anything else, this experience has taught me who my friends are. You and Jack…"

"Are here for you when you need us," Jack said as he entered the kitchen.

"It's not nice to eavesdrop," Tosh admonished.

Jack held up his hands and backed away from her.

"That was a joke," she said. "You know, part of me wishes that I didn't destroy the necklace. It could have been useful in interrogations."

"Spoken like a true geek," Ianto quipped.

"Hey!" Jack snapped in protective mode.

"Geek isn't necessarily a bad thing, and coming from him, I'll take it as a compliment." Tosh replied. "I should go home."

"So should I," Ianto muttered as he tried to slip out of the kitchen.

However, Jack caught his wrist and held it for a moment, "Would you mind making another cup of coffee for me before you leave?"

Ianto nodded and Tosh thought she saw Jack rub his thumb along the young man's wrist before he let go. The flustered expression on Ianto's face told her what he couldn't say out loud.

After letting go of Ianto, Jack put his hands on Tosh's shoulders and assured her, "I mean it, whenever you need to talk to someone. You know that you can count on me. I know Ianto feels the same way."

"I know."

"Good work, today," he said.

While collecting her things, Tosh looked up at Myfanwy who was flying around the hub. The dinosaur had no idea why Ianto had avoided her for so long, but she seemed happy to have him back.

Tosh slung the strap of her bag over her shoulder and decided that tomorrow would be better.

The End.


End file.
